and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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