I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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