Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
