she smelled like a LAN party
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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