you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
