she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
