yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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