Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
