Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
