watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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