I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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