Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize