Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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