I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
