Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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