glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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