Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
