Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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