My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
