Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
