Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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