So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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