RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
