I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
