And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
