did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
