If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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