You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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