The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
