and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I want a musical about memes.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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