sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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