Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
