I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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