i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Bring me that man meat
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize