I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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