Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
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