Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
how does that bad decision feel?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize