you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize