I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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