I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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