in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
