i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
