9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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