i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
