all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
