i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize