we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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