You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
