i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
