allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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