i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
and i looked up. we had an audience...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
