don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
