my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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