Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
