The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
