There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
