Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
