First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We're too hungover to prance.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
