Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
