I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
