I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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