So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I smell stomach acid.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
