everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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