She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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