All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
