consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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