Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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