Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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